Of Fundamentalists, Control, Alooma Mukhtar And The Future

So much has been said about where a woman's place is. For some religions, it is in a separate pew. For some others, it is just simply in the background. Yet all of mankind is in agreement about one thing. The woman is a fragile creature that must depend on the man for her very existence.

Now, this isn't one of my usual rants about the injustice meted out to women all over the world at the moment. You have the dailies, twenty four hour news stations and the internet to tell you about the fate of Serata in the Ghazni province of Afghanistan who was beheaded by her aggrieved husband alongside  their two children a few days ago in what is presumed to be an incidence of honour killing. I also do not have to tell you about Blessing Friday who died after a fight that lasted all night in the hands of her boyfriend in Shasha, a suburb of Lagos a few days ago as well. Like I said earlier, let that be the job of news agencies because today,  I am in a dilemma of my own.

Let me take my story back to some weeks ago when I stumbled on an ensuing argument between members of an online forum over what the Christian scriptures thought about women preachers. The debate started intelligently until it turned spiritual and some members of the forum (men of course) started quoting reasons why it was sinful for women to take leadership positions in a Church. As usual, yours truly went off on a tirade against outdated rules that had no place in the modern society. Yet, no matter what was said against that thinking, those men stuck to their guns and advocated a return to archaic beliefs and traditions that were obviously created to serve sensitive male egos several centuries ago.

After that incidence, I realized that the fight for women liberation was far from finished. I have always hoped that somehow my generation was getting the hang of it and more men were becoming to see the importance of doing away with cultures that oppressed women, be it religious in nature or just a social phenomenon. Apparently, I was wrong. The men who advocated a return to traditions steeped in outdated Middle Eastern cultures on excuse of religion were young, internet savvy and relatively modern. So what happened? Why did they think it was okay to belong to this advanced age and then give priority to an ancient rule that made no sense? In these times where a floundering economy has made it pertinent for men to marry women with careers, I don't see why such an oppressive rule should even be a topic of discourse. Many of those men who argued in favour of silencing women in the Churches probably belonged to the category of men seeking women with good careers. Their contradictory morals and it left me in a dilemma. After that day, I began to look at the men around me. I wondered if they thought it was okay to be educated, outspoken but decidedly docile, and robotic with malleable qualities (don't ask me how that works) just like the men in that forum.

It wasn't long before I had my answer. It came in form of a thinly veiled reproach and one word hung in the air...'control'. I can't tell you how much of a history I have with that word. It was one of the many reasons I grew to become a feminist. I heard that word so many times as a young child and a teenager. It became synonymous with philandering, late night keeping, womanizing and mental torture. Best of all, it was the perfect excuse to do what the accuser wanted. Yes, that is my problem. At what extent is it okay for an educated woman to be outspoken without being hit back with the 'control' line. Should women shy from being themselves for fear of being labeled control freaks? I wonder if the late Selata would have been spared her fate if she was less in control and stayed on in an abusive marriage, instead of the seeking divorce that ultimately led to her death. How much control should a woman give up for society to accept her as the perfect citizen. Is the word a constant reminder that a woman should know her place? This is my dilemma.



On another note - the appointment of Justice Mariam Alooma Mukhtar, first female justice of the Supreme Court of Nigeria as the Chief Justice of Nigeria is one step forward for the Nigerian female. Hopefully, my daughters will live in a world where female justices of Supreme courts around the world equal their male counterparts and having female attorney generals or chief justices will be as normal as taking a walk to the park.


Umari Ayim

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Kola Boof - A Sensuous Feminist Or A Fearless Womanist?

I remember reading an old article on Kola Boof in 2011. It was an intriguing one about an equally intriguing woman who claimed to have been the lover of the now late Osama Bin Laden. Whether it was deliberate or not, the article painted her as fearless and brash at the same time. After that article, I decided to read more more on Kola. Thanks to Google, there were countless sources to draw impressions about the Sudanese-Egyptian poet and novelist from. I learned she was controversial, intelligent and very opinionated. It was long before those claims were verified. I came across her views on the social networking site - Twitter, albeit in very uncensored language. This is one of them -

"Men should be proud to sleep with LOTS of women....endless women. But a Woman can't enjoy her rackings?"

"What these women are really saying is: "Kola, how dare you buck the status quo...how dare you challenge the social convention." 

June 13 2012 in response to people questioning her lack of decorum.

(I apologize to those followers of this blog who are not used to profane language.)

I am not very judgemental about people's lifestyles, but still I struggled to get used to the fact that this was the same award winning novelist and poet I read about a few days before......

......."In 2007, Kola Boof won her first major writing award from of all places, Stockholm, Sweden, the 2007 Woman to Woman Swedish Writer's Pen for Boof's Non-fiction article "I Am My Own Daughter" in OTTAR MAGAGINE, and headlined a triumphant reading at the prestigious Schomburg Center in N.Y. Noted PRINCETON critic Kam Williams chose Ms. Boof's autobiographyDiary of a Lost Girl as the 2006 BEST BOOK OF THE YEAR, and in 2008, officials of the South Sudanese government appointed Kola Boof National Chairwoman of the United States Branch of the SSPP Peace Organization, serving under President Francis Bok and Commanders in Sudan--BF Bankie and Deng Ajak..........

After reading her all about her accomplishments and praises, it was hard to keep up with her. I saw the Kola Boof on Twitter as a different person from the one described by renowned N.Y. University Professor and writer Derrick Bell as "a brilliantly gifted writer". Maybe it was my just my assumption or maybe I was finding it hard to understand how a writer would live her life outside society's prescribed code and not care. Almost every writer I have been inspired by or have met were regarded as role models and were image conscious. I am image conscious. I sat looking at this woman on Twitter and thinking, "wow!"

For Kola, there is no religion or culture strong enough to hold her opinions back. She has no problem standing out from the average black woman. She sees herself as a "womanist, (Alice Walker's now famous term that signifies a sensuous kind of black feminism)" and is not shy to be open about her her life. In her own words....."I am the LIVING WOMAN...not a strong black woman."

Not everyone will agree with her methods, but one thing you can't take from Kola is her boldness and ability to speak her mind. Currently embroiled in a bitter twitter war, with Oscar winning actor from Benin, West Africa and his wife, former model, and fashion entrepreneur Kimora Lee, Kola Boof is not mincing words about an alleged affair with the actor, and her Twitter timeline is not for the faint hearted. 

For all those of you who have had the opportunity to read about Kola Boof, I would like to know what your opinions are from this very intriguing and controversial figure. Is this award winning author with seven books published in eight countries, a sensuous feminist as seen in her writings and heard from her interviews, or is she a fearless womanist simply rebelling against the typical patriarchal society? Help me here somebody.

Love,

Umari  

 

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FEMINIST IN THE MIDDLE .

 "So you are a feminist?"

"Yes I am."

"You don't look like a feminist."

"What does a feminist look like?"

"I don't know." A shake of the head. "A little formidable maybe."

"Oh, you must mean like the amazons, eh?"

"Not really." Some chin tapping and head angling. "You just don't sound like a feminist."

I am intrigued now. "How do feminists sound?"


                                               "Mean."

                                               "Hmmm.."

                                               "Aggressive.."

                                               "Hmmm.."

                                               "Men haters."


Okay, the above is a typical conversation I have with six out of ten males I have come across in my life or befriended. Feminism to these friends of mine can only mean one thing - You are against every man walking the surface of the earth.  Sometimes I take pains to explain to them that feminism is not a movement aimed at forcing the male of the species into extinction, but rather one that seeks to liberate women from the shackles of outdated customs and enforce their rights just like everyone else. I share my thoughts on gender equality. I highlight the problems of the woman and point out that a woman is always at the mercy of the man. If  I am met with a snort or two, I delve into my repertoire of instances -

a) female victims in a murder case were done in by husbands or lovers.

b) women are victims of domestic violence, especially in culturally backward societies

c) in war situations, they are always subjected to the worst form of inhumanity - Rape

d) in work environments, they are subject to sexual harassment and sometimes they have to work harder than their male counterparts to prove their worth.


After all the argument and instance giving, the other person (male of course) still doesn't get it. He sees feminists as anti-men. He thinks there are no gray areas and the picture is just black and white. I tell him about the different types of feminism -

Conservative feminism - which believes in the family as the ultimate unit of the society and rejects equality as it means death to the family.

Liberal feminism - which sees all people as equal and sexism as dysfunctional as it deprives society of one half of its creative force.

Radical feminism - which sees oppression of women as fundamental and the most basic form of oppression. Adherents believe that the purpose of this oppression is to obtain psychological ego satisfaction, strength and self esteem for the men.

Socialist feminism - which links women oppression to the class structure and sees sexism as a way of rewarding the working class male, giving them control over women.


"So which one are you?" he asks, looking as if I have been speaking a strange language all along. I tell him I am a liberal feminist and see all people as equal.

"I don't think it makes any sense." He tells me with a frown. "I see all feminists as the same." A pause. "I think they are aggressive towards men."

By now, it is clear that we are going nowhere with the argument. The stereotype of feminism is winning again. I am sure that even if I were to put a tattoo on my forehead that said Peace to the menfolk, I am just a liberal feminist,  the famous question - "Are you a man hater?" will still come up.

I have come to the conclusion that identifying feminism as anti-male and anti-family is society's own way of dealing with the uncomfortable subject of gender oppression, especially where such society is founded on patriarchal values. In my humble opinion, feminism, whatever the form is a woman's way of taking her rightful position in the world as nature intends. There are those who think feminism is a alien to our African culture and should never be embraced. For those ones, I point out that before the advent of Abrahamaic religions on the African continent, women commanded armies, ruled kingdoms, were custodians and priestesses of temples, and wielded enormous influence in their respective societies. In some countries like Ghana, we have matrilineal cultures. I think my progenitors understood that the society worked better where women are given a level playing field. So I tell my friend -

"Feminism seeks to unleash the hidden power of women." I get an eyebrow raise for that one. "I strongly believe that women can change the world if reawakened."

There is some silence. I hope my friend is considering my words. Some minutes pass and just when I allow myself to hope that my message has finally sunk in, he turns to me and says -

"No gray areas. There is nothing like liberal feminism. You are just a feminist in the middle."

At this point, I have no interest in pursuing the topic further. Since I have no idea what it takes to be a feminist in the middle, I call time on the argument. You certainly can't win all the time.



Umari Ayim

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I DON'T! - IS MARRIAGE GOING OUT OF FASHION?

When socialist party leader and presidential candidate, Francois Hollande was announced winner of the French presidential election on May 6, he had the full attention of the world. No longer was he merely a contender of the race to occupy Palace de l'Elysee for a term of five years, he was officially recognized as successor to Nicolas Sarkozy, the outgoing president and loser of the election. From his physical appearance which saw a mayor in Southern France  (Maryse Joissaines-Masini of Aux-en-Provence) questioning his ability to lead to his private life where his unmarried status draws attention, Hollande is certainly in the spotlight at the moment. What even makes him more unique is the fact that he leads a rather unconventional life. The new French president has never been married. Yes, he has not. He has managed to enjoy a union with fellow socialist Segolene Royal which produced four children and a current one with twice divorced journalist and mother of three Valerie Trierweiler all outside the boundary of marriage, making him the first unmarried president in the history of France.

Even though, Hollande's disposition to marriage makes him the first of his kind to inhabit the French presidential palace, it seems as though the traditional institution of marriage is on the decline everywhere. While divorces continue to rise, the average age at which people marry has also risen. Gone are the teenage brides of yesterday. In their place are more mature brides missing the starry eyed look. Even in this part of the world where I live, marriage which used to be regarded as a means of ensuring financial security and escaping social stigma for women as well as the bedrock on which society is built has become a fashion to be adopted or disregarded. Whether traditionalists chose to blame this on the invasion of western culture and values, one thing is sure, the economy has played a role in this as well. It has become more acceptable to marry a woman who will contribute to the upkeep of the home than one who will be dependant on her husband, thus pushing the age of potential newly weds up. So while couples from western countries will cite reasons such as personal convictions for preferring to enjoy partnerships outside marriage, modern day Africans have to grapple with unstable economies before finding time to settle into marital bliss with their prince/princess charming. Sometimes, we just see others who are content to live their lives by themselves.

Another angle to this will be to suggest that marriage is enjoying less popularity because of the growing disillusion with religion and the advancement of science. Religion has always backed marriage as a means to discourage wayward behaviour but as science continues to contribute to the advancement of the human race, more people have come to view marriage as another of religion's legacies. The traditional outlook to man and woman relationships have gone through several upheavals and one can say, our beliefs in marriage as a God ordained institution has been challenged on several fronts. 

However, this is not to say that there are no advantages of being married. Research has shown that married couples stay together longer than those who cohabit. Some studies even show that the stability of marriage produces emotionally stable individuals. Still, there are those who will argue and rightly so that a marriage licence is not a prerequisite for a happy home or for raising children with loving care and that private morality should not be a concern of the society. Whichever way we chose to look at it, the world has moved on. Those people who chose to say "I do" to their partners have drastically reduced in numbers compared to what was obtained in history. In Africa, the stigma attached to spinsterhood or bachelorhood might take sometime to go away but globalization and economic repression seems to be enough to challenge former beliefs. On a final note, I hope that the rest of the world is as understanding as France. Hopefully, Hollande's unmarried status will not present any difficulty for him in places like the Vatican, Indonesia and Saudi Arabia when he chooses to pay them state visits at some point in time.

Umari Ayim

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